My children remember me always being obese. I was always an emotional eater, that's how I dealt with my feelings. I raised my three girls together with my husband, but I was always the main caregiver, as he is an officer in the United States Military and was often away. It's not that he was an "absent father," I ended up being the "doer of everything," as my daughter Amy calls me.
As the girls got older (Sara is now 24, Amy is 20 and Judi is 18) I got heavier. I was miserable all the time and always had something negative to say about myself. I tried to lose weight many times, but at that point I wasn't ready to give up my food addiction. I used food as a friend, as many people do.
In 2002 I was 41. My father had just died. I now had neither parent, and we were living in Iceland (one of the most depressing places to live). My relationship with my husband was slowly dwindling. I now understand that I was a difficult person to have a relationship with because I hated who I was. After more than 20 years of marriage our marriage was faltering.
Out of the horrible time of my father's death and severe marital troubles came one positive: I was finally able to make the changes I had not been able to make before. Instead of "dieting" I began the lifestyle change of eating clean. I started off slow - at 290 pounds I could not move quickly! I began exercising lightly in the morning and improving the way that I ate: less fat, more raw fruits and vegetables, leaner meats, lower-fat dairy etc. Since I wanted this change to be permanent I started off slowly, making gradual changes. I did things like mixing fat-free cheese with the low-fat cheese, and the super lean meats with the not so lean meats. Soon my whole family was eating clean, and we all barely noticed the transition! The process took a while, but living in Iceland it feels like all you have is time: half of the year it is dark out all day and the other half it is light out all day.
My exercise routine began with walking, light impact aerobics tapes, and some weightlifting. As time moved on I increased the intesity of her workouts, incorporating running, until she was running for an hour straight, swimming and lifting. Before anyone even realized it, I was running in 10-mile and half-marathon races! I worked for over a year to change the way I lived my life, and now I am healthy and happy again. And if something isn't going great, at least now I can worry about issues I'm having in life instead of worrying about the problem I had living life because of my excess weight.
I regret all the years I wasted by choosing to live an unhealthy lifestyle. Now that I choose to eat clean and exercise, my everyday life is full of vitality and joy. I am so grateful for discovering clean eating/living and I will remain faithful to this choice for the rest of my life! I went from a 5'7", 41-year-old, 290-pound mother of three and grandmother of 1 to a 5'7", 46-year-old, 143-pound mother of three grandmother of two and a wife of 25 years.